I have two friends that are having marriage problems and at this point I'm not sure what to tell her anymore. The first couple have been married for 2 yrs and their problem is the mother-in-law. She is crazy and I know her outside of their marriage and I can attest that this lady needs some serious help, medication or something. Like I said B & L have been married for 2 yrs but L's mom is the one with the issues. L's entire family live in fear of his mom and the problem is that he is not standing up to her. He is allowing her to control his marriage and I don't understand why? I know Nick would never do that, so giving her advice is hard because I just can't imagine being in the situation. I have told her to tell L her needs to grow up and relize he has his own family and his mom can't control him but the guy lives in udder fear of his mom. What do you tell someone and seriously how can a person go about having someone with these types of issues commited because the lady won't go in on her own. I have no idea what to tell her but she doesn't what to see her marriage fall apart, they have been trying to get pregnant for over 1 1/2 yrs(they lost their first one when she was 10 wks and have been trying since) and this whole situation has just brought another level of fear, stress and distance between them. I feel horrible and I have been talking to B alot lately about the situation because she has no one else to talk to. I talked to Nick about it and asked him what to do when a person tells you that they are not afraid of death because they currently feel like they are living in hell on earth. He did know either :( So I am up for any words of wisdom that I can share with her and any prayers that you can give her.
Prayers are needed!
2 comments:
In-laws can either be a blessing or a burden on couples. I've seen both. I used to watch Dr. phil and he talked about this all the time. So I would suggest going to his website to see what he has on it. Basically, the son or daughter of that parent who's causing the wedge needs to stand up and defend his independent marriage and address the issue. This shows respect for his/her spouse, and confronts the problem instead of allowing it to continue.
Tom had to stand up to his parents a few years ago. It was hard, but it made a great difference. They are starting to go back to their old ways lately, so there may need to be more talks, but at least they are aware we are affected by their behaviors. And I have more respect for my husband for standing up to them, in many cases for me.
On the issue of that MIL, if she needs help and others agree, she needs an intervention by family and friends. Seriously and soon.
For the wife, your friend B, keep praying for her and be the open ear. But emphasize that her husband needs to be the shoulder she leans on. That's his "in good times and in bad" promise to uphold. Stress is not good for achieving pregnancy, as it can affect your cycle. It's not good for anything. I would suggest they see a couples therapist who can help them as a couple, and give them concrete suggestions to help deal with the MIL.
Hope that helps!
Thanks so much for the advise:) I really was at a loss.
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